Thin blue line
She came into my life as a
'fine blue line'.
My heart pounded in my chest so hard as I felt an overwhelming and terrifying fear that somehow it may be wrong. I hoped it wasn't wrong, I prayed it wasn't wrong.
As the weeks went by, I knew I didn't need a test, doctor or scan to tell me....my princess was starting to grow and it was my job to make sure she was safe and protected.
As time went by, I watched my body change and woke every morning excited to feel that acknowledgement from her in the form of a sharp nudge to confirm that I wasn't dreaming and that my baby was getting ready to come into my world.
As the day we were due to meet imminently drew closer, I started to feel parts of her body inside me that made me realise I was actually growing a little person inside me.
I will never forget how it felt when I would gently push what I know was the heel of her tiny foot just under my rib cage, as she would very abruptly retort with an almighty kick that would make any adult body jump out their skin. This gave me the reassurance I desperately craved for every day that told me she was ok.
Nearly 9 months from the day of the 'thin blue line' in what felt like a heart beat, she sent some very abrupt messages to my body in what I can only describe as earth moving convulsions that let me know, she was on her way.
Unlike most overdue expectant mothers, I didn't feel frustrated that we were 10 days past her due date, after all she was clearly demonstrating that she was her mothers daughter already....late for everything and I didn't expect anything less.
As her arrival progressed I remember incessantly praying for her safe arrival.
I felt pain but didn't feel scared, this is my job, I'm her mother and I have to get her here safely.
As the intensity of the situation magnified, my body never gave up, she needed me and I needed her. I watched three concerned faces spectate with sympathy as they couldn't help, only I could do this and as time passed I did see relief in their face's as they knew I was ready for this challenge.
Then when I felt I couldn't give anymore, I knew I had to find the energy for one final push with the incentive being that I was about to be acquainted with the person I created and would always give and receive unconditional love.
I felt the baby I grew from a 'fine blue line' to a person leave my body and until I heard the customary 'new' baby cry, I couldn't exhale.
I needed to hear that sound, where was that sound?
Then what felt like hours later, my princess cried a piercing cry begging to return to her comfortable, dark and warm cocoon inside my body.
The relief I felt reduced me to uncontrollable tears and then the midwife wrapped my princess and placed her gently in my arms.
As I lay with my body completely destroyed, the tremendous pain I had just experienced completely vanished, I held a beautiful creation in my arms.
I made her,
I grew her,
I delivered her,
and until the day I die....I'm going to love and nurture her because my life only truly became blessed the day I seen that 'fine blue line'.
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